I write to untangle my thoughts or give birth to new ones. I write to reason, question, and struggle. If I’m not writing I’m not doing my best thinking. Each word or sentence I put down brings me closer to understanding.
Well, not exactly “all” but for anyone writing online, yes, all roads seem to point to Medium. And I keep asking myself why that is?
At first, people were excited about the visual elegance and simplicity of the platform (that is, after it was opened up to the general public). Easy to use, beautiful, free—just log in with your Twitter or Facebook account and start writing. And with Medium, the focus has always been on the writing.
But with other platforms, especially WordPress, anyone can easily set up their own blog with an elegant, simple theme and start writing. So why Medium?
I’ve felt like I’ve been spinning lately. My brain is going a thousand miles an hour most of the day and night, and thoughts about work, in particular, are jumping around up there and bouncing up and down on the relentless treadmill. This happens from time to time with me, but it’s usually not this bad. There’s been more going on at work than usual, but there’s something else at play.
I’m not staying in the moment. I’m spending my time thinking about what needs to happen next and worrying about what’s already past. What’s right in front of me slips away and sometimes becomes one more thing that I didn’t get done. When this is happening I also don’t eat regularly, I sleep even less than usual (which is not much), and perhaps most importantly, I’m not having any fun.
So yes, I know what I need to do: stay in the moment, have more fun. But how?
I skipped writing last night because I was tired and really couldn’t land on a good topic. I tried to push myself to just write something, anything, and I did. And man, it really sucked. So I deleted it. I wrote another paragraph and that was even worse. Delete. I even tried writing a sappy poem. Um, yeahhhhh. Delete. And the whole time I was struggling with it, one of the #nerdlution mantras was ringing in my head, “If it makes you happy…” I was not happy. Forcing myself to write crappy stuff was making me the opposite of happy. So I quit. And I was mostly okay with it.
Here I am tonight. Back from a work trip, tired, don’t want to write. But in my head I’m thinking: Skipping one day is one thing, but skipping two? That’s some else entirely. And then I asked myself: Is there anything I do every day that makes me happy? I couldn’t think of anything. Of course my mind instantly went to things like eating, exercising, writing, etc. and most of those things I don’t even do every day, and most of them don’t make me happy every time I do them. I do them because they’re required or I have a goal I’m trying to reach—which will presumably make me happy—and that’s the way to achieve the goal. Sure, sometimes I enjoy those things, but there are plenty of things I just do because it’s good for me.
A week ago I wondered about why I didn’t do more blogging on my phone despite always having it with me and having the tools necessary to theoretically blog on it. So I committed to blogging solely on my phone for one week as a side experiment during this #nerdlution commitment of mine to write every day for 50 days. Here’s what I found:
Once I got a smartphone I was instantly hooked on the convenience and power that that little piece of tech afforded me. As I’ve grown in my usage, upgraded my hardware, and navigated the ups and downs of being able to do just about any aspect of computing on this thing I’ve got in my pocket, one thing I haven’t found myself doing from it is blogging.
#nerdlution has been killing me this week. I. Am. Tired. As my “nerd resolution” I’m trying to write every day for 50 days. I suppose there’s been a reason (up until now) that I haven’t been writing regularly, and it isn’t because it’s not important. Trying to work in writing every day has (re)reminded me that my life is full. Sometimes things just don’t get done, and being a perfectionist, I have a hard time letting things go. Over the past few years I’ve worked towards focusing on what’s important though, not over-extending myself, and just letting things go when I can. No one’s judging me but me, and I’m pretty sure no one would look at my life and think I’m slacking off.
Late night is my favorite time, always has been. I love when everyone goes to bed and I’m left alone with my thoughts and a place to type. The problem is, I have three young children and they basically have no concept of “sleeping in.” So what I need to do is rearrange some priorities and time during the day, and get my writing done at a more sane hour. This will be good practice for making sure I do the things that are important to me before it gets too late, so I can still get some sleep and not be a grouchy bear when those adorable, sweet children come do back-flips on me when the sun rises. (And yes, they basically just see my sleeping body as a lumpy extension to the bed/trampoline.)
I’m in sort of an after-Thanksgiving reflective state and it’s interesting how focusing on gratitude seems to get many of us in such a state. Maybe being thoughtful about what we’re grateful for leads us to take stock in what’s important to us in general, where we’re at in our lives, and where we want to go. Maybe being around (or not being around) family reminds us of our place in the world, our relationships, and pushes us to consider what really matters to us.
