Though I’ve been on a hiatus from performing for a few years now, I’ve probably played hundreds of concerts/gigs in my life as a trumpet player—and I’ve probably played millions of notes—yet I still remember all the major times I cracked a note. Of course what this expands to is how I dwell on mistakes in general. I have a tendency to hang on to not just these cracked notes, but mistakes as a husband, parent, or friend; mistakes at work; and even past seasons of baseball where my batting average or ERA was less than desirable.
In my head I can reason out all kinds of things:
- I’m only human and humans make mistakes.
- Nobody’s perfect.
- Mistakes happen for a reason, learn from them.
- If you hold onto mistakes, you can’t move forward.
- The good I’ve done outweighs the bad. Focus on the positive.
I do really believe all these things, but still, old behaviors and ways of thinking creep back in.