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Saying Goodbye

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I’m learning (or maybe I’ve learned?) that I wait too long to take care of things. Yes, I take care of a lot of important (and not-so-important) things every day, but there are those things that really matter that I put off and put off until they silently slip away and get replaced by other pieces of life. And if they’re really important and I’ve let them wander off, they often come back as regrets.

It’s been three weeks since I returned from Honolulu to visit my dying Nana—a trip I made to take care of one of those important things: saying goodbye.

I broke into tears when I entered her room. The weight of everything washed over me instantly and there was nothing to do but cry and somehow, in the midst of that, try not to show what I was really feeling and thinking. Did she know I was there because I thought she was dying? Did she feel like she was dying? What does it feel like to see people grieving your death when you’re still alive?

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On My Way to Say Goodbye

on_my_wayThe week started with indecision. I got a call from my dad who said he was on a plane with my half-sister, Grace, to visit Nana (his mom). The doctors had given her a week or two to live.

The first thought that struck me was that I should go too…but what about my wife and kids? My wife’s been dealing with her own medical stuff lately and then, too, there was Miko, the cat, who might have intestinal cancer. There was the cost—did we have enough miles for a ticket? Could we all go? She had never even met one of my kids.

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